Intersectional Pressures on Unwed Women in Urban China

Written by Xiaoyao Lu

Edited by Prianka Waran

Design by Clemence Gaume

1. Women in the Words and Numbers:

“催婚”：A Clash of Past and Present

The Confucian values that governed old China believe marriage is more or less a necessity, and those who are married can better improve themselves and their families. Traditionally, not marrying is not only a sign of loneliness, but also one of a failure – the inability to build an economically stable household of peace and love and continue the family line.

However, the times are changing. As education and employment improve in China, people have become more economically sound and independent. The youth have also grown up with a greater exposure to Western values, becoming more individualist, meaning a weakened pursuit of the mutual reliance that is core to the Chinese idea of marriage. The effects of this can be seen in the rise in average marriage age for women from 1990 to 2010 from 21.4 to 25.7.

Consequently, we have a younger generation that is more and more indifferent to marriage in a society (especially the older generation) that holds marriage as a necessity and a symbol of being accepted in China. This clash brings me to the title of this section: “催婚”. Parents who believe in the necessity of marriage urge their liberal children to marry, resulting in stress and illustrating the tension regarding marriage within Chinese society. And this relentless, oppressive push to marry is what drives the story of Women in Urban China to unfold.

“剩女" and Why Women Have Less Time：

"Time – something we all have in the beginning... Except women – they always seem to have a little less." – Sanlian Weekly: Blind Date Sociology – Xiangqin Corner

At the core of those traditional views regarding marriage is the role of women. They are meant to be caretakers, husband-pleasers, something for men to relax with after they finish their men's business. Most importantly of all, however, they are the child-bearers, their most important job to "传宗接代" or literally, "pass on the ancestors' blood and continue the generations". Due to this, the "value" of women, as some older generations would put it, begin to depreciate as soon as they hit age thirty, as men feel that they are less desirable for bearing children.

In fact, the idea that the older women become, the less "value" they have has recently been printed into the Chinese dictionary, with the addition of the word: "剩女" – literally, ‘leftover women’. This implies that older women are simply seen as the leftovers after men have made their choices, but this is not the case for older men, as the male equivalent of the word was only added later. While all genders face pressures to marry, the clock ticks faster for women.

Why is this? Marriage is a mutual choice, so what allows exclusively men to select women in urban China, and not the other way around?

How the Dynamics of Urban Migration Create a Patriarchal Society

"1:4" – the Numbers are Stacked Against Women

As of 2022, there are more men than women in China – around 32 million more, or 1.1% in the entire population. However, the picture changes dramatically when it comes to those seeking a partner in cities. In fact, in China’s biggest cities for every eager bachelor, there is more than one bachelorette, and in Shanghai, the ratio rises to a staggering 1:4.

The reason for this is gender disproportionate urban migration. Due to the massive growth these urban hubs have seen in past decades, there has been an influx of rural populations in these cities. Out of these movers, only a small percentage will obtain Hukou (a pass from planned economy times that determine the allocation of resources, like education and one's ability to own a house) while the rest do not have the right to settle within the city. Out of those without Hukou, men are very unlikely to obtain them from marriage (the pass can be obtained by marrying someone with the pass) as they are expected to be breadwinners and usually more well-off than the female side in marriage. However, because of the very same expectation, women who do not have Hukou can expect to marry a man with it. Thus, women are more likely to stay, seeking marriage, creating this massively unbalanced ratio.

This has entrenched the city man’s dominance in marriage. With more women than men looking to marry, they become the ones who are chosen, rather than the ones choosing. This potently magnifies and over-represents the desire of men in what has become known as the “marriage market” (婚恋市场) in urban China, because they get to decide if a woman ends up facing the stigma of being ‘leftover’ (as in 剩女, or leftover women). As a result, women have to adapt more to what men want in these cities, creating a power dynamic that reinforces the dominating power men's interests have over women in an already patriarchal society.

2. Xiāng Qīn – A Look At Social Expectations:

Xiang Qin, a version of blind dating, is basically where parents gather in public parks with written descriptions of their children – mainly gender, income, and age – and choose their child's blind date based on these descriptors. I know, it sounds pretty terrible.

Understanding Sexism in Urban China Through Xiang Qin

Due to how Xiang Qin destroys the organic nature of dating and reduces people into data points – how old they are, how much they earn, how educated they are – it provides a very clear image of societal opinion. For example, the dominance of men's choice in dating and marriage in urban China is reflected through their parents' behaviors in Xiang Qin parks (where parents gather to exchange their children's info). For one, they usually come only in the late afternoon while parents of female children arrive in the early morning, trying to create as many opportunities as they can get for their children. Furthermore, it was not uncommon for parents of male children to make rude remarks towards those of female ones, such as objectifying and apprising them based on their qualifications, and sometimes straight-up shouting at them. In fact, even when it was not the parent, but the child herself seeking a partner in a Xiang Qin park, the parents of male children dismissed her as “too old” and her career qualifications as “useless”.

In addition to confirming what we already know – that unwed women are severely disadvantaged, their choices discounted – Xiang Qin choices also offer an insightful look into the age-old discrimination against capable women in China.

“女子无才便是德” (For women, the lack of intellect is virtue) – Chinese Proverb.

This phenomenon is seen in how many women, new to Xiang Qin, show their high salaries on their information signs; as time goes on, however, they lower the salary written on their information sheet. In a study of Xiang Qin parks in her performing arts piece The Bliss of Conformity, Yingguang Guo observed that one woman started off with her actual salary, US$140,000, written on her board. This was lowered to $95,000 in six months' time, eventually ending up as “above $60,000”. The reason for this is that men in these contexts often find women with much higher salaries "too capable", since the man is unable to fulfill the fantasy of providing for everyone as the sole breadwinner.

Whether or not women with high degrees of education are favored in marriage is debated. Usually, the idea is "good, but not too good". Women who have bachelor's and sometimes master's degrees are favored because men associate such degrees with intelligence and “good genes” in China, which, by assumption, will be passed on to their children. This is also seen as advantageous as these women are presumed to be better at teaching their children, an integral part of childbearing – the role carved out for women in Chinese society. However, as one edges into doctorates, many men become spooked by the high qualification and feel that they cannot assert dominance in such a relationship.

3. Conclusion:

Through the lens of Xiang Qin, we can see a prideful male desire to control relationships, and how the demographic context of urban China forces women to adjust to this fantasy for fear of ageist stigma. However, it is important to note that the phenomena in Xiang Qin parks cannot serve as a proxy for the entirety of the Chinese consciousness. Instead, Xiang Qin behaviors are uniquely representative of the norms of older generations, because it is almost always the parents of bachelors and bachelorettes who are in the Xiang Qin parks. In fact, my Chinese acquaintances around 20-30 years of age mostly dismiss Xiang Qin as a waste of their parents’ time and discard the stacks of contact information for potential partners their parents got from Xiang Qin parks. For a more balanced picture of patriarchy in China, yet more research needs to be done on people in a more youthful context.

The problematic legacies of more traditional views put a very real and pernicious burden on women living in urban China today. To navigate the solution in a new China managed by old but powerful institutions, we must look to how narratives that belong in history have ingrained themselves into structures that will rule the future.

Bibliography

1. Agne Blazyte, Statista. “Average age of women at first marriage in China from 1990 to 2017.” Accessed Feb 20, 2023. https://www.statista.com/statistics/1258035/china-women-average-age-at-first-marriage/

2. Baidu, “Ratio of Single Men and Women in Shanghai.” Accessed Feb 20, 2023. https://baike.baidu.com/item/%E4%B8%8A%E6%B5%B7%E5%8D%95%E8%BA%AB%E7%94%B7%E5%A5%B3%E6%AF%94%E4%BE%8B/13347929?fromModule=lemma_inlink

3. Ka Sheng, “Xiang Qin Corner: a Romantic Experiment Where You Cannot See Your Date.” San Lian Weekly, February 7, 2022.

4. Yingguang, Guo. “Her Records of Humiliation in Xiang Qin Parks” Interview by Yi Tiao. Youtube, March 17, 2018. Video, 1:30. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJGAtpqVKvM